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Why are the \"Four Horsemen\" problematic in relationships? In your relationships, which of the \"Four Horsemen\"...

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Psychology

Why are the \"Four Horsemen\" problematic in relationships?

In your relationships, which of the \"Four Horsemen\" might youengage in? Identify at least one (criticism, contempt,defensiveness, and stonewalling) and give at least twoexamples.

How do you think we can improve our communication duringconflict?

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4.3 Ratings (644 Votes)
The first horseman is criticism Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint The latter two are about specific issues whereas the former is an ad hominem attack It is an attack on your partner at the core of their character In effect you are dismantling their whole being when you criticize The problem with criticism is that when it becomes pervasive it paves the way for the other far deadlier horsemen to follow It makes the victim feel assaulted rejected and hurt and often causes the perpetrator and victim to fall into an escalating pattern where the first horseman reappears with greater and greater frequency and intensity which eventually leads to contempt The second horseman is contempt When we communicate in this state we are truly meanwe treat others with disrespect mock them with sarcasm ridicule call them names and mimic or use body language such as eyerolling or scoffing The target of contempt is made to feel despised and worthless Research even shows that couples that are contemptuous of each other are more likely to suffer from infectious illness colds the flu etc than others due to weakened immune systems    See Answer
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